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I\’m not sure why I\’ve decided to write this. It hit me when I was getting coffee that I get a good many strange glances when I tell folks that my primary genre right now is BDSM. I don\’t exactly look like what most consider the stereotypical BDSM participant. I\’m more in the \”she looks like she has adopted \’Barbie Girl\’ as her both her phone ringtone and her personal motto.\” Bubblegum pink, blonde ringlets, comfortable shoes would be more my preferred look.

\”My personal belief is that anyone who claims we can \”choose\” our sexuality is actually bisexual or a closeted gay. I say this as a person who has recently tried to write female on female erotica and finding it a chore at best, while my hetero BDSM flies from my fingers at an astounding pace. Why? I ain\’t choosing here. Female on female sells and if I could actually do it well, I freakin\’ would.\”

Xassie Xhali

Why BDSM?

I have loved this genre since before I knew it existed. See, my parents didn\’t really believe in corporal punishment, but sometimes we would get a \”pop\” if we weren\’t doing what we should. I can very clearly remember once getting a told to correct my attitude or I would get a \”pop\” because I was putting out the dog food with an attitude (that part is really true. Hey! I was twelve–preteens do that shit). So, actually not wanting to get hit and feeling kinda sorry for being a bitch, I tried to correct my actions my dialing down my previously exaggerated motions. As I did, some dry dog food stuck to the spoon and ended up out of the bowl next to my father who was washing dishes at the sink. He took it as my attitude again and I got the hit even thought I seriously remember thinking, \”Oh, shit, better get it in line, he ain\’t playing.\” Then, when I tried to comply, something out of my control happened and I got the adrenaline rush of being punished anyway.

I later realized with a lot of therapy that the hit was pre-ordained by my dad\’s mood and some bad luck, not by my actions. I also learned that I am an adrenaline junkie (more on that later). It\’s one of the problems with hitting children. Even when adults think they \”know what happened\” in the kid\’s head based on their actions, how much of that is actually a bit of bad luck and the mood/projection of the adult?

I\’d say the adult\’s mood and relative mental health is the real indicator of whether or not a person gets smacked.

Please understand. My parents absolutely did the best they could and outside of the occasional smacks never physically abused or intentionally emotionally abused us. Every single thing they did was authorized and approved as safe and effective parenting in the 1970\’s. They were literally and figuratively doing the very best they could with the info they been provided by society. I\’m pretty convinced my parents are the best human beings on earth and any argument about that I just can\’t participate in because in my brain at the end of the day, I know who they are in their hearts and they truly love me and my sister and each other (and all the animals!!) with their very best every single day.

Why does that have anything to do with BDSM? Well, I honestly pinpoint my addiction to the genre before my teens. I had NEVER seen BDSM porn at that point, yet there I was, self-comforting to the thoughts of my friends being paddled by their parents (from a private confession of a schoolyard friend).

When I finally had my first orgasm (about 12), my first thought was that I understood why Prince\’s songs were so obsessed with the topic <—no lie.

The second thought was, wow–this is awesome. I\’m very glad I\’m a girl cause this is cool.

So, do I wear my BDSM flag proudly?

Nah. As an extreme monogamist, I have an adversity to folks I know in real life having any knowledge of my bedroom activities. I have an honest and deep desire to dress extremely modestly in public because I feel safer and more confident believing that only my one special man gets the pleasure of seeing and using my body. I\’m fine if others use my mind to a certain extent. However, I\’m generally extremely untrusting of all folks I don\’t know, so my body is for me and my husband and no one else.

When I was \”in the scene,\” I only had three rules. No animals; No other people; Consent RULZ and is sexy as hell–fucking make me ask to be fucked. That\’s a cool confident ask. I\’m more than likely down and will be happy to let you know–but only if you are my one.

I hope you enjoy this sample of my BDSM writing. If you do, please check me out on Amazon.US for right now (I\’ll be branching out to other platforms hopefully in December).